Re: mother-in-law albatross

Posted by Linda (65.120.51.4) on May 04, 2002 at 15:38:14:

In Reply to: mother-in-law albatross posted by Jean on May 02, 2002 at 16:13:50:

I take care of my mother, who is now 80, and let me say this in defense of your mother in law: Many times older people need help long before they get it. They don't want it, but they need it.

If my Mom had not moved in with me when she did, she would be in really bad shape now. When people are sick they can't think right anyway - never mind the aging process and the mental state when things get out of control (depression). If your MIL needed medicine and couldn't afford it that month along with her other expenses, and Major Credit Card, Inc. had just offered her a $2,000 credit line, don't you think she would have used it? and after a while it becomes too easy, especially if she is making the payments on time - they increase the limits, offer her other cards, and lines of credit. Then she needs glasses, or dentures, or more medicine, and can't afford them on the little bit of money she gets - that's how it happens. They're not stupid or careless, they just don't have enough money, and they need to live.

I don't mean to chide you - I said this same thing to my brother a few years ago, and it made a difference, judging from the change in his attitude, so I will take the liberty of saying it to you.

One day you will be old - that's if you're lucky, and don't die young. I don't know if you have children, but if so, you are teaching them what attitude to take towards you when that happens. And when it does, you may be sick, and need help, and have too much pride to ask. I certainly never dreamed my Mother would live to become dependent on me.

You are doing the right thing. It's extremely difficult, I know, I'm in the middle of it too. Have some compassion while you're at it. My Mom's needs dominate my life at this point, and I often have to deal with my feelings about that. But that's life. We don't always have things the way we want them. I have to step back and start over. My brother and I are all she has. If we aren't there for her, she will have done all those things for us, and live in poverty and misery? I don't think so.

My Dad made very good money in his civilian career, and he was a retired Lt. Colonel in the army. He left my Mom decent survivor benefits. It was enough for a long time, but no longer. I cannot imagine if she had to live on social security alone.

I will get off my soapbox now. :)

Linda

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